i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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