I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Everything about him screamed your future.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
