Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
