Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
