Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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