Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've blown a few things in my day
this boner is exhausting
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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