apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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