so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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