you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
