I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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