Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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