i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
