so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
