And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
