Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
