Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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