Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
