I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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