Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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