I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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