So drunk its hurt
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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