Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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