did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
