i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
