I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
