if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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