he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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