just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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