HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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