Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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