Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
