Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
