A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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