im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
