how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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