How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
