Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
