Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
this just has baby written all over it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
