Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
