she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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