Sry I called you an 8
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
