Swine flu. Run for my life!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
