i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
