i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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