friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize