Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
