I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
