I must be too annoying 4 u.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
