being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
