He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
