just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
