What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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