Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
