And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize