I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
