Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
