i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
