Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
