Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
