It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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