Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
