remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dear god my vagina.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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