new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
