I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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