it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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