He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize