Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
