She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
