I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize